When you’re getting down and dirty, sex can be liberating, embodying, and ecstatic, but even the best sex comes with some risk. Practicing safe sex, using condoms, or doing regular STI testing can feel unsexy. While it may seem like a burden or the responsibility of vulva owners or those in the LGBTQIA2S+, it’s becoming understood by more and more people that safe sex in consensual intercourse is the responsibility of all those involved. Let’s reframe safe sex and make it sexy (again)!

Safer Sex and STDs 

‍

Safer sex is all about protecting yourself and your partner(s) from sexually transmitted diseases or STDs. An STD is an infection that can spread from person to person, typically through sex. They’re extremely common and easy to test for. STDs can be passed through penetrative sex, oral sex, anal sex, genital-to-skin contact, or sharing sexual fluids. As you become sexually active, it’s important to note that many STDs don’t have visible symptoms, so getting tested for STDs regularly is essential. The bare bones basics ways to prevent STDs are condoms, dental dams, latex underwear, finger cots, or cleaning your sex toys before using them.

 Note: Wearing more than one condom at a time will cause them to break. 

Everyone Got ‘Em

Before we get into some common STDs, it’s essential to discuss the stigma around STDs. 50% of sexually active people will have at least one STI by 25. STDs have become an unfortunately common form of prejudice to marginalize women, people of color, and the LGBTQIA2s+ community. For example, the AIDS epidemic in the United States and the inequality, homophobia, and prejudice directly surrounding it. Current stigmatization of STDs reinforces a system that punishes people for engaging in sexual activity and comes from a Westernized ideal of purity culture. At the end of the day, an STD is an infection, and infections aren’t moral, having no sense of “good” or “bad.” The stigmatization of STDs is highly counterproductive, encouraging people to hide their STDs from others, including their partners, rather than getting treatment for it. Which is a direct breach of trust and boundaries between partners. The stigma behind STDs can leave people feeling as though they are “damaged” or “loose,” which isn’t even remotely true. STDs are normal, and they don’t end your sex life. Like any other infection, a majority of STDs can be cured, and those that can’t are treatable. 

No Condoms? That’s a problem. 

There are over 110 million new and existing cases of STIs each year which means there’s a lot of ground to cover in terms of safer sex. Here are a couple of common STDs: 

Chlamydia - a common STD caused by a bacterial infection that doesn’t have any symptoms but is easy to treat once diagnosed.

Gonorrhea - a common STD that’s caused by a bacterial infection that doesn’t have symptoms but is easy to treat.

HIV - HIV is an infection that breaks down your immune system and can lead to AIDs. There is no cure, but treatment can help you stay healthy.

Herpes - A common STD that infects the mouth or genitals, causing blistery sores. There’s no cure, but the symptoms are treatable.

Pubic Lice - tiny parasites that attach to your skin and pubic hair near your genitals. They can be easily treated.

HPV - Human Papillomavirus is an extremely common STD with no symptoms for most people. However, if left untreated, it can lead to some types of cancer or genital warts.

Syphilis - a common bacterial infection that’s easily treated but can be extremely dangerous if left untreated.

Hepatitis B - a virus that can cause liver disease that can spread through sex or sharing personal hygiene items like razors or toothbrushes.

Get Tested

Most STDs have no symptoms, which means that getting tested is the only way to know if you have an STD. STD symptoms can change over time, it’s very common for them to be so mild that it doesn’t affect you, but that doesn’t mean it’s not still there. Some common signs of STDs are sores or bumps around your genitals, butt, or thighs, unusual discharge from your vagina or penis, irritation, itching or pain in your vagina, vulva, penis, or anus, and flu-like symptoms such as a fever, swollen glands or feeling tired. 

Getting tested also helps to prevent serious health problems that can be caused by untreated STDs. Getting an STD can make your body more vulnerable to getting other STDs, so it’s crucial to find out immediately. While getting tested can seem scary or daunting, it’s pretty normal. Most common STDs can be easily treated with medicine. For those that can’t be cured, there are treatments to help with symptoms and lower the chances of you giving an STD to anyone else. 

You can get tested for STDs at your doctor’s office, community health clinic, or at the health department. The cost can vary depending on where you go and whether or not you use your health insurance. In the United States, you can get an STD test at a Planned Parenthood Health Center.

Even if you don’t have symptoms, you should get tested every 3 to 6 months. Reframe it to be like a check-up or dentist appointment. You go just to take care of your body and your health. It’s essential if you’re sexually active and having unprotected sex. Getting tested regularly is a form of self-care by caring for your body and putting your health first. 

Tell Your Partner(s)

Getting an STD is common, which is why it’s always important to tell your partner(s). It’s a matter of respect for yourself and your partner(s). Not telling your partner(s) puts them at risk and compromises the trust you built between yourself and your partner(s). Taking about getting STD testing with your partner(s) shows them that you care. It’s best to discuss STD testing before you start having sex with your partner. It’s normal for the conversation to feel awkward at first. Still, it will help open communication lines and build trust with your partner(s). 

Some ways to approach this conversion are: 

• “I wanted to tell you that I recently got tested for STDs and I don’t have anything. Have you been tested? I want us to make sure we’re taking care of each other.” 
• “How do you feel about going to get tested for STDs together?” 
• “I have an STD test coming up. Have you been tested? Would you like to come with me?” 
• “It’s a hard boundary of mine that all my partners and I can discuss STDs testing openly. How does that make you feel? Have you been tested recently?” 

When discussing the results of an STD test with your partner, it’s best to stay calm and remind yourself that it’s normal, understand all the facts, talk to your doctor about any questions you might have, and set a date to discuss it with your partner(s) and consider your safety. Don’t play the blame game or get overly defensive. It happens to everyone, and worrying about how your partner might react is normal. Your partner might need space and time to process the news, which is normal. Consider your safety first, and if your partner(s) make you feel physically, mentally, or emotionally unsafe after telling them, call 1-800-799-SAFE or go to the National Domestic Violence Hotline website for help. 

Your body, health, and safety come first. Safe sex is fantastic and protects you and your partner(s). Getting an STD is normal, but what’s important is discussing it with your doctor and partner(s). Stay safe and stay sexy!

‍